You're the Worst
by A Little Rusty
Summary: In the Occult section of Gravity Fall's public library one Pacifica Northwest dive tackles one smug Dipper Pines and doesn't release her sleeper hold on him until he apologizes.


**ENJOY!**

* * *

She rolled her eyes.

"It's not exactly like I can't _afford_ an education, Dipwad," the girl said dryly.

Was it that shocking that she knew a thing or two about pagan history? Her knowledge about space time continuum on the other hand, now _that_ was impressive.

"Oh, believe me, I haven't forgotten," he said just as dryly, turning back to the book display, "It's just I never imagined that you'd put that head of yours to good use," and he doesn't sound apologetic at all, just very matter-of-fact as he casually continues along another bookshelf.

For the love of Christ, she doesn't know why she followed him around another row but she did. Or why she even agreed to help him find reference books for his journals that his Grunkle insisted he started keeping. But here she was and deeply regretting it. He practically just called her an airhead! She was dead set on defending her honor now - her ever sharp tongue ready to butcher him if needs must.

Dipper continues his search, Pacifica watches him closely.

 _He wouldn't dare._

"Don't blondes just worry about their hair?" he asked, looking for the entire world like he didn't just insult her. He tilts his head to thoughtfully as he reads a tome's spine in the dusty case labeled Alchemy and continues off-handedly, "Fake blondes, rather."

 _No, he didn't, s_ he thinks in disbelief _. He did!_

Pacfica's teeth gritted.

Her next reflex was to flick his forehead or maybe pull his hat and make a quip about his own bird's nest hair, all daggers and razorblades, before she noticed just the _slightest_ smirk on his smug little face. Like he was _laughing_ at his own private joke.

She squints at him accusingly.

So he wasn't being tactless as all boys naturally were.

He was blatantly _goading_ her. He, honest to god, was testing fate. Didn't he know who she was? Did he _want_ to die?

Pacifica could feel her eye twitching and her fist itching to take a swing at him. Gods be good, she thinks he'll be the reason why she would end up in jail come sundown. Not that her father would ever let a jury convict. A Northwest never serves time, after all. Servants' work, too _plebeian_.

But having him think he won was equally damning.

He was getting really good at pushing her buttons, too. For some reason he seemed to enjoy seeing her so discomposed. Teeth bared and fists flying.

She won't rise to the obvious bait; she won't give him the satisfaction of getting a violent surge of reaction from her. He wasn't _that_ clever, no.

So she opts for the 'high road'. A conduct expected of a Northwest.

"I prefer to be iconoclastic," she mutters as regally as she can, careful to not grit her teeth.

Dipper gave a low whistle, sounding impressed.

"Another big word," his astonished face morphing into a concerned one, "careful, you might hurt yourself."

She'd still secretly plot his downfall, though. As expected of a Northwest. A slow brew that would take careful planning - something artful, something cunning. Maybe pay Wendy to act like she loved him back then to brutally crush his heart after. Yea, that sounded _like magic_.

He wasn't finished. No, she could see he was just winding up.

"I'm surprised, Pacifica, really," he said earnestly, "honest. You got to tell me which private tutor we have to thank for your vocabulary now. Last week you would've called me stinkbrain _and_ pushed me."

He loved to tease her about her temper and old money.

She harrumphs and continues down the book aisle, pretending to not hear his taunts.

"Then again I wouldn't expect you to know how to thank someone," he massages his chin thoughtfully.

Pacifica was very good at playing the waiting game, she was a plotter, but as usual when it comes to dealing with the younger Pines, she couldn't keep her calm bearing (temper) for long. She snarled at him, showing her teeth predatorily. A warning, if there ever was one.

 _Come on, I dare you. Make my day._

He laughed.

The boy with bird's nest for hair laughed at her. In her face. So freely too. He was brave, if he was anything at all. Idiotic, really.

It was like Impulse Control went on sudden leave, taking Composure with him. She doesn't feel like this was a decision borne out of careful planning. Not very Northwest of her, really. She could hear her father's disappointed tones and she could just _feel_ the downturn of her mother's pretty mouth.

But it happened. And hey she could either be proud of it or **Be. Proud. Of. It.**

Not feel childish at all. Own it like a Northwest. Proud and unapologetic.

Pacifica was never violent, preferring to use words to cut her opponents down. There was nothing more thrilling than seeing that glint of _something_ in her enemies' eyes die out as she delivers seemingly sweet words. Her way was words not fists. It wasn't her style but Dipper the Town Hero knew how to push her buttons…

In the Occult section of Gravity Fall's public library one Pacifica Northwest dive tackles one smug Dipper Pines and doesn't release her sleeper hold on him until he apologizes.

* * *

The (naturally) blonde girl smugly crossed her arms and looked superiorly at the haggard boy on his hands and knees panting.

She won.

And boy does it feel good.

Almost like the first time she and her thoroughbred perfected their landing and recovery. Don't even get her started about her first leavde. The utter bliss of it.

She was too busy grinning self-importantly to notice Dipper was laughing. Too bellyful for a boy defeated.

"You're the worst." He said as he got up, brushing his pants as he did.

As you can imagine, she wasn't very happy about his _insolence._

Pacifica Northwest was ready to deliver a knee buckling kick when he looked up and she saw a glint of _something_ in his eyes.

Strange as it seems, this boy was her best friend. Anger gone, quicker than it came, she shakes her head.

How does something like that happen even? Her mother would be scandalized, she catches herself thinking gleefully. Her father would predictably be outraged about her consorting with riffraff. Tch, nothing to do about it now, she guessed. This time a flutter of _something_ dances across her stomach.

Dipper has stopped laughing but there's a cheeky grin on his still ruddy face.

This unseemly boy with a bird's nest (no, _feathers)_ for hair. She shakes her head again.

He offers an outstretched hand as truce. _Friends?_

 _You're still the worst_ , his playful smirk tells her.

Unbelievable.

She laughs as she roughly pulls his hat down his eyes. She looks at him fondly.

"Right back at you, dummy."

* * *

 **hello, I was rewatching Roadside Attraction and Dipper being smooth with girls is just both terrifying and very very endearing.**

 **He's a sweet guy, really.**

 **I feel like I have a totally different headcanon Pacifica from the fan base. IDK I can't explain her. but you better believe she would be daggers and razorblades. sharp tongued, educated and unimpressed. independent. head strong. angry. sarcastic. godsent.**


End file.
